Detangled

Yesterday, somewhat unexpectedly, the idea of solitary confinement crossed my mind.

Let me explain.

In some parts of the world, prison inmates are placed in solitary confinement. It’s considered a cruel form of psychological punishment because, over time, it can deeply damage a person’s mental state. In Canada, the practice has been ruled illegal, as it violates basic rights to equality, life, and personal security.

In other words, isolation can become a major contributor to anxiety and depression. We were never meant to live only inside our own thoughts. That’s where overthinking begins. When a thought repeats itself often enough, it forms a path in the mind that eventually hardens into something like concrete—and creating a new path may require breaking the old one apart.

This isn’t to say that time alone is wrong. Not at all. I personally love it.

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I’ll admit that over the past four years I’ve spent much of my time on my own—doing my own things and stepping away from what “everyone else was doing.” At first, that distance was necessary. Now, it feels almost paralyzing. My mind tends to overexert itself, endlessly multitasking, trying to control every aspect of my life and planning everything so it unfolds exactly as it should.

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I’ve been reading a book by former monk Ryunosuke Koike, The Practice of Not Thinking: A Guide to Mindful Living, and in the first chapter he mentions that thinking can be a disease.

I know I’m not the only one who feels like they should be living more, experiencing more, doing more. At some point, I started seeing my surroundings as “wrong,” as if this place simply wasn’t meant for me. But if you’re not yet the person for the next step—or not financially ready to make that leap—aren’t you only creating suffering for yourself? Calling everything “wrong,” demanding immediate change, and expecting life to unfold exactly as you want… that combination is simply impossible.

As friends recently told me:

1. I put way too much pressure on myself.

2. Things do take some time, look at it on the long run.

3. Focus 100% on what you’re doing in the moment, the small next best thing {writing, change of clothes, turning left at the stop sign, etc}

4. The next best thing is a small move, we think the big moves impact our lives the most, but little did you know it’s actually the small ones.

5. Focus maximum 50% on visualizing and having the volition to dream big. Having those broad goals {travel, wanting a business, wanting to live where you feel most yourself}, leaving space for life to surprise you and figure out some of the details, because you can’t control everything.

All you truly have is now. The sun will rise again, and only you can change the way you see the world. As much as you may crave distance from a place, a person, or something else…

As much as you may want something desperately, the only thing you can really do is create a version of it now—or make what you already have better now. The moment I realized I had been bashing and villainizing my hometown—and, at some point, myself—for not being “enough,” for not being something it will never be, I understood that I had been causing my own suffering.

It’s a beautiful thing to want to experience more and desire things yes, but not by denying who you are and the place you are in now. They shape you as they have before. Things can only be threats if you label them as such. If you want a change, change. A habit, a perception, a definition, a destination, but never expect perfection, that is the most self-destructing concept you could have.

Live, laugh, cry, fall, get up, learn—and try again, better next time. Your life is not a puzzle to assemble or a problem to solve. You are a being who experiences and an artist who creates.

I will now quote two of my favorite quotes:

"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present"

— Master Oogway in Kung Fu Panda (2008)

「今度は今度。今は今。」(Kondo wa kondo, ima wa ima) — “Next time is next time. Now is now.”
— Perfect Days (2023)